Why is it that money is the root of all evil and yet such a necessity in life?
Why am I so horrible at managing money and get myself into situations that eat away at the very core of me?
Will I ever learn and gain the strength to stop myself from making the same mistakes again and again?
Will we ever overcome the place in life that we are now and not worry so much about money?
Will we ever be able to afford things that we can't afford now and enjoy the peace of mind of not worrying how much is left or is NOT left in our checking account?
Why do I constantly feel like I'm the only idiot on the planet that can't manage money and has a problem with "instant gratification" when it comes to money and spending?
Will there ever be a night when I can go to bed and just drift off to sleep without replaying all of my mistakes and money problems thru my head?
I'm overwhelmed. The worst about this feeling is that it's not the money problems directly, it's the fact that the money problems are my fault because I'm stupid and can't manage money well. I know what I should have done in every situation. I look back on everything and think, if only I had done this I wouldn't be feeling this stress and pressure. I wouldn't be in this position now. My credit would be great and there would be no worries. Instead, I look back and beat myself up for the choices I made and keep making.
My biggest problem is instant gratification. It's the root of all of my money issues and that issue alone is what keeps me making the same mistakes over and over. Zero will-power and the need for instant gratification make a lethal combonation. It means that I want my money problems fixed now and when I don't see the results I just give up. See, I want a large amount of money to fall from the sky, right now so that I can fix my messes, move on and try to make the right decisions from here on out. But, that won't happen. I can't fix things right now. They'll take time and patience.... and I don't have time and patience. So what is going to happen is we will get things somewhat patched up over the next few months and then I'll give up because I am not seeing big results and we'll be right back where we started.
I see money as a curse sometimes. It will probably give me ulcers. Scratch that, money won't give me ulcers, my guilt and stress over the mistakes I make with money will give me ulcers. I need help. Right now I need a large amount of money to bail me out and then, I resolve to make things right from then on. But it's not going to happen. So how do I fix things? Get a job? Yeah, then I lose what is most important to me, time with my boys. Besides, a job won't give me instant gratification.... it will take me away from my family and won't provide gobs of money in a couple weeks time like I need. Do I take on a job as a 1-900 sex kitten operator? Believe me, I have considered it. Hubby would flip out. If I was single, you can damn well bet I would be doing it for fast cash.
I have thought of every option I could..... there are none. I just take it one day at a time and start doing the best I can possibly do. But it won't aleviate the one thing hanging over my head that won't go away, unless money falls from the sky, right now. At what point does God stop listening to my prayers and say "Sorry Angel... I'm done with you. You screwed up way too many times...."
Why am I so horrible at managing money and get myself into situations that eat away at the very core of me?
Will I ever learn and gain the strength to stop myself from making the same mistakes again and again?
Will we ever overcome the place in life that we are now and not worry so much about money?
Will we ever be able to afford things that we can't afford now and enjoy the peace of mind of not worrying how much is left or is NOT left in our checking account?
Why do I constantly feel like I'm the only idiot on the planet that can't manage money and has a problem with "instant gratification" when it comes to money and spending?
Will there ever be a night when I can go to bed and just drift off to sleep without replaying all of my mistakes and money problems thru my head?
I'm overwhelmed. The worst about this feeling is that it's not the money problems directly, it's the fact that the money problems are my fault because I'm stupid and can't manage money well. I know what I should have done in every situation. I look back on everything and think, if only I had done this I wouldn't be feeling this stress and pressure. I wouldn't be in this position now. My credit would be great and there would be no worries. Instead, I look back and beat myself up for the choices I made and keep making.
My biggest problem is instant gratification. It's the root of all of my money issues and that issue alone is what keeps me making the same mistakes over and over. Zero will-power and the need for instant gratification make a lethal combonation. It means that I want my money problems fixed now and when I don't see the results I just give up. See, I want a large amount of money to fall from the sky, right now so that I can fix my messes, move on and try to make the right decisions from here on out. But, that won't happen. I can't fix things right now. They'll take time and patience.... and I don't have time and patience. So what is going to happen is we will get things somewhat patched up over the next few months and then I'll give up because I am not seeing big results and we'll be right back where we started.
I see money as a curse sometimes. It will probably give me ulcers. Scratch that, money won't give me ulcers, my guilt and stress over the mistakes I make with money will give me ulcers. I need help. Right now I need a large amount of money to bail me out and then, I resolve to make things right from then on. But it's not going to happen. So how do I fix things? Get a job? Yeah, then I lose what is most important to me, time with my boys. Besides, a job won't give me instant gratification.... it will take me away from my family and won't provide gobs of money in a couple weeks time like I need. Do I take on a job as a 1-900 sex kitten operator? Believe me, I have considered it. Hubby would flip out. If I was single, you can damn well bet I would be doing it for fast cash.
I have thought of every option I could..... there are none. I just take it one day at a time and start doing the best I can possibly do. But it won't aleviate the one thing hanging over my head that won't go away, unless money falls from the sky, right now. At what point does God stop listening to my prayers and say "Sorry Angel... I'm done with you. You screwed up way too many times...."
8 Comments:
Listen, chica...God will NEVER give up on you! And He IS hearing your prayers, every one of them...but His answer may not be YES or NO right now...it might be WAIT A LITTLE LONGER.
Don't give up! =)
Plus you have that tax refund on the way, right?? *smile*
Yep... a big one. And it's already spent.. paying off a few things.. but still need more. Sad.
Why did I not know you had another blog????????????????????
It's a little newer and just something Angel and I put together cuz we share the same name. The link is on my other blog which is where you found it, I'm sure:) LOL!
Hi, I found this blog through the other Angel..
Remember, and think about this: The LOVE of money is the root of all evil.
I'm saying a prayer for you.
My wife has taught me her philosophy on money... Remember they're just little pieces of paper that float in and out of our lives, they mean nothing. Money should never take your energy away from the most important things in life... your family, your boys. They don't engrave your credit score on your coffin, don't worry so much. Do what you can today and worry about tomorrow when it comes. And lastly, the greatest gift, a child's love, is free... take as much as you want!
THANK YOU! Sally, Cheex, LID... those are great words of wisdom. They mean a lot.
I do love my life and the simplicity of it all and I do not take anything I have for granted. For that I'm proud.
I am no stranger to money issues, steeped in my own right now as i aggressively seek a job. All is right with the world for me but hubby's huge student loans. *sigh*
Hang in there, all I can say is that at night.... let go of the problem. Worrying about it at night won't fix things. It won't. Trust me! You deserve sleep, dreams that take you away from that worry. All you need to do is count your blessings before bed, not your curses.
Post a Comment
<< Home