That's right folks, it has only taken 31 years of breathing in and out for me, the Angel of Drama, to finally get a grip on thinking for myself. What a concept.
It has been 31 years of being told what to do, living in other people's shadows, being a follower, trying to be people I am not and during all of that time not being smart enough to realize that I actually have a mind of my own and I should learn how to use it.
Explaining exactly what I mean is a difficult task, not in regards to my new revelation but in how I have lived up to this point. The best way I can describe what I mean is that during my lifetime I have kind of been a puppet on a string. It's not that I let people run my life and make decisions for me because I haven't. I am independent and intelligent (well, technically speaking) and I have made my life what it is. No one else has done that for me. However, my life has still been led as if others are pulling those proverbial strings.
These so-called "puppeteers" weren't my parents, friends or co-workers in a direct manner of speaking. The puppeteers were more like the ideals, traits and viewpoints of those immediately around me and society, for that matter, that I held myself up against. Furthermore, the puppeteers were on television and in the public eye and I would believe everything they said, because, well, they were on t.v so they must be telling the truth, right?
Why did it take 31 years for me to learn that I don't have to believe everything on t.v? I don't have to conform my life to everyone else's around me and I don't have to believe everything I read and see. The question to that answer is retorical and virtually futile. It just doesn't matter now. What does matter is this new year, this new revelation and the freedom I am beginning to feel.
You know, I have heard many times, from various people, that the best time in their lives were spent in their 3o's. Maybe I am beginning to understand why. As a 20-something, you can only grimace at turning 30 and it seems so far away and so ancient. While I still dislike saying I'm 31, it's still young and I'm most certainly in a better place now than I was in my 20's, mentally and physcially. Turning 30 seems to have been a cornerstone, a natural right of passage in my life that has given me strength in character, strength in mind and freedom from holding myself up to everyone else's standards.
2007 will be a great year. I can feel it in my bones and my mental state is what is going to make it so great. Everyone's life is a journey of lessons and trials. Some learn faster than others. Me, well, I'm a slow learner. My life has been a mental struggle for as long as I can remember. It may always be. But it's a struggle that I am now winning and will continue to win. The funny thing is, it took blogging to really discover myself. In the beginning I saw someone that I didn't like. Realizations were made that shed light on so many things and it was like a domino effect. As I progressed in blogging, I progessed in mental strength and found myself and that is all I really ever need to be.
It has been 31 years of being told what to do, living in other people's shadows, being a follower, trying to be people I am not and during all of that time not being smart enough to realize that I actually have a mind of my own and I should learn how to use it.
Explaining exactly what I mean is a difficult task, not in regards to my new revelation but in how I have lived up to this point. The best way I can describe what I mean is that during my lifetime I have kind of been a puppet on a string. It's not that I let people run my life and make decisions for me because I haven't. I am independent and intelligent (well, technically speaking) and I have made my life what it is. No one else has done that for me. However, my life has still been led as if others are pulling those proverbial strings.
These so-called "puppeteers" weren't my parents, friends or co-workers in a direct manner of speaking. The puppeteers were more like the ideals, traits and viewpoints of those immediately around me and society, for that matter, that I held myself up against. Furthermore, the puppeteers were on television and in the public eye and I would believe everything they said, because, well, they were on t.v so they must be telling the truth, right?
Why did it take 31 years for me to learn that I don't have to believe everything on t.v? I don't have to conform my life to everyone else's around me and I don't have to believe everything I read and see. The question to that answer is retorical and virtually futile. It just doesn't matter now. What does matter is this new year, this new revelation and the freedom I am beginning to feel.
You know, I have heard many times, from various people, that the best time in their lives were spent in their 3o's. Maybe I am beginning to understand why. As a 20-something, you can only grimace at turning 30 and it seems so far away and so ancient. While I still dislike saying I'm 31, it's still young and I'm most certainly in a better place now than I was in my 20's, mentally and physcially. Turning 30 seems to have been a cornerstone, a natural right of passage in my life that has given me strength in character, strength in mind and freedom from holding myself up to everyone else's standards.
2007 will be a great year. I can feel it in my bones and my mental state is what is going to make it so great. Everyone's life is a journey of lessons and trials. Some learn faster than others. Me, well, I'm a slow learner. My life has been a mental struggle for as long as I can remember. It may always be. But it's a struggle that I am now winning and will continue to win. The funny thing is, it took blogging to really discover myself. In the beginning I saw someone that I didn't like. Realizations were made that shed light on so many things and it was like a domino effect. As I progressed in blogging, I progessed in mental strength and found myself and that is all I really ever need to be.
12 Comments:
Yep, 30's rock for so many reasons. One is what you have stated, you get to know yourself the best and have a good center of gravity. I have found one other wonderful bonus, but I'll let you discover it for yourself (with your hubby....lol)
I'm so happy for you. It is so good to have things become clear for yourself.
I Liked, Liked, Liked my 20's (Oh, the memories)...
But I Love, Love, Love my 30's!!!
It's really amazing what you learn about yourself through blogging.
For instance (and I know this may come as a shock) did you know that I'm easily annoyed?
Yes.
[I know].
Recognizing the problem or issue is half the battle Lioux. You are on your way to overcoming such things.
I have realized that you are very much easily annoyed, but are you also easily annoying?
See, I'm also easily annoyed but I do know that I'm quite easily annoying as well:)
Hmmm.
[Self reflection].
Interesting.
A deeper thought, if you were easily annoying would people tell you? Would you know? I mean, unless you annoy yourself you would be virtually unaware of your level of annoyance.
Hmmm.
[Self reflection].
Interesting.
Use the [copy] and [paste] key much, Lioux? LOL
Agreed about 30s!
'Til Monday Angels
Charlie!!!!!!
Hope your weekend is rockin'!
No fair Dan... I thought we had a new reader in Charlie and then I clicked and it was YOU! Cheater.
But I am diggin' the Charlie... I mean, us, Angels... you, Charlie. Charlie's Angels... I get it. Heh. Well, I assume that is how you chose Charlie and all.
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