If your lifelong dream was to become a drama queen then look no further! I am here to help!
If you follow these 10 easy steps then you too can become the Queen of Drama just like you have always dreamed of.
If you follow these 10 easy steps then you too can become the Queen of Drama just like you have always dreamed of.
How to be a drama queen in 10 easy steps:
1. If you fall off of a horse then lay in the dirt whining in agony and declare that you might be paralyzed. Then when you realize your back isn't broken and you are actually moving, beat your step-brothers ass for laughing at you.
2. If you have a mosquito bite on your hand and it is a bit swollen keep pointing it out to people and marvel that you are astonished a mosquito bite could swell up SO much.
3. If you have a headache, walk around the house constantly rubbing your head and moaning. That way no one can mistake that you have a headache. I mean, without doing that how would they know? Right?
4. If your dog gets into the trash again and spreads it over your entire kitchen floor and you come home to find the mess then first stand there with your mouth gaping open for at least 30 seconds. Then stomp into the other room swearing obscenities and asking "why why why?" over and over. Then finally, go back into the kitchen, stare at the mess a little longer and drop to your knees in tears. Just cleaning the mess up is too easy, you have to add the dramatic effect in order to work the situation properly.
5. If you are sick with an upset stomach then laying in bed rolling back and forth, clutching your stomach and moaning is the best thing to do.
6. If someone does something to you in traffic then you must go on and on about what they did and act completely astonished at their stupidity and rudeness. I recommend going on for at least 15 minutes or 10 miles, which ever comes first. Shake your head and say things "I just cannot believe it" over and over.
7. Overanalyze everything. That in itself provides hours and hours of satisfactory drama.
8. If a bee is chasing you then you must run away screaming and saying things like "stop following me!" "leave me alone you retchid bee!". However, if you are hiking on a mountain trail, try not to push your friends over the side as you run back down the trail screaming. Injury or death could result.
9. If someone asks you how your day is going and it happens to be a bad day for you, sigh loudly, shake your head and say something like "oh, it could be better" and then go on and on about how the kids are brats today, nothing is going right for you, bills are a mile high and you have a major headache coming on. (See number #3 for proper dramatic headache illustration).
10. And finally, if you see a large bug of any kind, say a 2-inch cockaroach, on your wall at night, wale in horror, run away like mad, close the door to the room you are in and roll up a towel and shove it under the door so that the bug doesn't hone it's radar in on your exact location and attempt to crawl under the door. Then, roll yourself up into a fetal position on the bed or floor and cry. This could possibly make the roach feel bad for you and he might vacate the premises.
And there you have, 10 easy steps to becoming a world class drama queen.
2. If you have a mosquito bite on your hand and it is a bit swollen keep pointing it out to people and marvel that you are astonished a mosquito bite could swell up SO much.
3. If you have a headache, walk around the house constantly rubbing your head and moaning. That way no one can mistake that you have a headache. I mean, without doing that how would they know? Right?
4. If your dog gets into the trash again and spreads it over your entire kitchen floor and you come home to find the mess then first stand there with your mouth gaping open for at least 30 seconds. Then stomp into the other room swearing obscenities and asking "why why why?" over and over. Then finally, go back into the kitchen, stare at the mess a little longer and drop to your knees in tears. Just cleaning the mess up is too easy, you have to add the dramatic effect in order to work the situation properly.
5. If you are sick with an upset stomach then laying in bed rolling back and forth, clutching your stomach and moaning is the best thing to do.
6. If someone does something to you in traffic then you must go on and on about what they did and act completely astonished at their stupidity and rudeness. I recommend going on for at least 15 minutes or 10 miles, which ever comes first. Shake your head and say things "I just cannot believe it" over and over.
7. Overanalyze everything. That in itself provides hours and hours of satisfactory drama.
8. If a bee is chasing you then you must run away screaming and saying things like "stop following me!" "leave me alone you retchid bee!". However, if you are hiking on a mountain trail, try not to push your friends over the side as you run back down the trail screaming. Injury or death could result.
9. If someone asks you how your day is going and it happens to be a bad day for you, sigh loudly, shake your head and say something like "oh, it could be better" and then go on and on about how the kids are brats today, nothing is going right for you, bills are a mile high and you have a major headache coming on. (See number #3 for proper dramatic headache illustration).
10. And finally, if you see a large bug of any kind, say a 2-inch cockaroach, on your wall at night, wale in horror, run away like mad, close the door to the room you are in and roll up a towel and shove it under the door so that the bug doesn't hone it's radar in on your exact location and attempt to crawl under the door. Then, roll yourself up into a fetal position on the bed or floor and cry. This could possibly make the roach feel bad for you and he might vacate the premises.
And there you have, 10 easy steps to becoming a world class drama queen.
4 Comments:
They were all great!
But you also need to add this one.
You are walking carrying a tall load of something (books, papers, clothing in a store) and they keep sliding out of your hands but you regain control. After a frustrating 10 minutes of trying to control the items, while you sigh and roll your eyes the whole time you feel you have a good grip on it all. Then *bam!* over half of the items hit the floor. In reaction, you throw the remaining items and say "You have GOT to be kidding me!" because you feel that some cosmic force is following you around making your life 10 times harder.
OMG YES! And believe it or not, when something shitty happens to me I shout outloud "You have GOT to be kidding me!"
P.S - If you haven't noticed already, those were all real life experiences of mine. Not ONE is made up.
I just said "you have GOT to be kidding me!" on a daily basis. Said it today. Yep. And the list gets bigger.
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