Irksome commercials

I was pondering deep thoughts last night and today in the car as I was driving all alone. It’s amazing how the voice in my head sounds so much louder without screaming monkeys around. Did you know that monkeys scream? Well they do, and it’s quite disruptive. Anyway, during this monkey free stream of consciousness I began to think about commercials. Specifically BAD commercials. We’ve all seen them, locally made commercials for locally owned Ma and Pa Generic X business. Fuzzy images, bad costumes, not even remotely funny premise.

Then my happy unencumbered brain slid into BAD radio commercials. Those are worse. I don’t know if it’s because the creators figure you can’t see them so they can’t make asses out of themselves? I don’t know. I just heard two in the last 24 hours. They aren’t the worst ones I’ve heard but they got my picky brain a movin’. They played with words and I’m a stickler for wording.

One commercial for a local car dealership (a noted frequent offender for BAD commercials of any kind) boasted their Suzuki’s. The line that got me was “you may not be a celebrity but you can drive like one.” WTF? I mean really. What the hell did that mean? It was very vague. I suppose they were implying that you would feel soooooo important in your new Suzuki vehicle, right? But my mind went all over the place. For instance: Would that mean that I would drive like a freakin’ maniac and when the cops pulled me over I would tell them “it’s the damned paparazzi again! They won’t leave me alone!” and I’d sign an autograph for Mr. Star Struck officer and be let go?

Or maybe they mean that I would think that since I was a celebrity I could drive while holding my infant child, no car seat, nothing because I would have some rarely known celebrity force field that would that would keep my child safe?

I mean really!?

The other commercial that got me was a local carpet installer. Yet another offender. They boasted that if you have your carpet installed soon (can’t remember the dead line) that you would get a free genuine turkey. See the offending word? Genuine! Genuine? So my mind is awhirlin’. Is there a concern that someone would get a Goose in a turkey costume? A poser? No…. you get a genuine turkey. Or do you run the risk of getting a real turkey only it isn’t the bald, headless, legless variety that I’m familiar with from my local grocery store, ready for basting, it’s really a live, running around turkey. Would you be swearing as they drive away as the bird pecks holes in your hardwood floor?

These commercials irk me and peck at my intense need to have the wording just right. Call it semantics. Angel of design...peace out! :D